The Kyandra Saga

The Kyandra Saga
Book I

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Blessed Still

See... I still remember my son, the day he was born with his eyes wide open... they were a little glassy ~ to be expected, but I was too excited to care that I had begged only momen earlier to be given anything *something* for the pain.  Yeah... it took thirteen hours for him to crown, and then I was told the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck.  He was in trouble.  Somehow, I knew everything would work out just fine; I had this dream, that he was already perfect. 'It's a Boy!'  Well I knew that too.  I had dreamed of him even before he was born. Even before the doctor's who told me I would never get pregnant, etc...ect... (Crazy doctors) I already had my dream ~ I knew.  

My son was born perfect into this crazy world. A pre- Fourth of July Child... July 3. I didn't require fireworks to know he was going to be a special, absolutely adorable child.  I couldn't wait to be a 'Mom' - I swore I'd not spoil him, ridiculously anyway.  But, I failed most times, because I loved this child. I changed his clothes, nine times a day; I talked to him, sang to him, looked into his eyes and smiled. At night, when he woke, he never really cried... just sort of whimpered and his eyes were wide open already, waiting on me to wake so that I could stare back at him in wonder.  Yep... I was the lucky mom.  I was in the possession of a brand new baby that did not yell when he was hungry or cry just because I was told this would be my initiation into motherhood. *Celebration* I experienced no nightmare of bringing up baby~ I told you he was special.

Unfortunately, I still had to go through his growing pains. His broken bones and injuries that incurred it seemed almost weekly.  I was didn't panic of course, I proceeded to the nearest medicine cabinet for the occasional Band-Aid or antiseptic wipes.  I managed to get him to the hospital and stay by his bedside during his asthma attacks, while waiting in the emergency room, while he was tended to for a broken arm, laceration to his head - he had to have three stitches. Finally, I have no idea how this child managed to find barbed wire, but that too was a miracle day.  He was clothes lined by barbwire; his childhood friend pulled him back before it did too much damage wrapped around his neck.   My child the walking accident.  But thank God he pulled through it.

As he grew, he grew out of it.  Relief washed over me as I realized I didn't want to know some of the times he didn't tell me about, until later.  Like the time he fell down Albany Hill in Berkeley, or was bike riding with his dad and crashed head first on a fall that knocked him out cold. *He had his helmet on* SO you see~ I was glad, his Guardian Angel took over for me, this child seemed to require full time attention.

But five days ago, two weeks before his 18th birthday, my son decided he would remind me, that it’s not quite over.  Falling from a skateboard, he managed to break five of the nine bones in his hand. One bone was completely ruptured in two, dislocation, torn ligaments and bones resting on top of other bones... and he didn't feel any pain.  SO... he thought he might have spained it. So... I didn't take him to the emergency room until two days more... when the swelling didn't go down and 'In my mind' ok this just didn't look like a sprain to me...  *Ok here's the kicker, even when I took him to Quick Care, they just said.. It's a broken bone... *referral time* - But it wasn't until his doctor did more x-rays that it was determined he should have had emergency surgery immediately. ---- Sigh*... So Friday... my son had his surgery.  "It should take about one hour" the doctor informed me.  One hour...two hours... three hours into it... I knew I had to pray a little harder.  Yeah... Sons take you through the fire... but I would have gladly gone in any case.  This kid is totally amazing. No pain and have so much injury to his wrist.  Today he is recovering, in a lot of pain. *totally being spoiled of course*... I am waiting on his eighteenth birthday.  He has to spend it in a cast.  I guess it’s a reminder that I will always... be Mom; I will always feel his pain and his joy.   I'm Blessed Still.

Desire4Fire. 2011

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Ultimatiums - Poetry

The Ultimatum
2 weeks later 23 minutes from the time of your closure.. I manage an impossible 360 degrees.. I am on my knees Praying saying Thoughts and needs… And wants in multitongues As if I never needed To lean up next To the vertical 73 Horizon of your soul… I am right back where time Tried to elude you.. Instead I extend my heart to you.. Including visualizing you in a perpetual Emotional collection of how to deal With my Imperfections.. for there is nothing Faultless, in the way I can not stay away I can not apologize I would feel this way all over again If you desire it.. I submit to what ever you wish where ever you choose To lead.. As if I could resist the essence of your electricity.. and it’s pull on me.. Handing out promises In vision filled realities.. ..you have my answer.. 2 weeks and..23 precious minutes later



Desire4fire2011

Thoughts that Speak. .

I don’t remember when I started to
write.. but I do remember how it felt..
and I tried to deal with all the judgments
that came from a result of putting down
feelings that I seemed to be drowning
in.. and then those feeling going on and
on.. wondering did I realize I was
trapped in the same voice of pain, when
all I was trying to do deep inside was
regain a strength that I knew I
possessed. Wondering how many people
would tell me don’t you think it’s time
to move on get over it, change my same
old song? ..
And I also remember the day I just
couldn’t care.. I needed an outlet that
fed me, even though I realized in third
person it was really the Lord speaking to
me..
I still had to manage all the good and all
of the bad and everything that was
remotely going right or didn’t end up so
good in my life.. but I knew I was
2
destined to create a voice.. I really
didn’t recognize it as a gift. I was still
anguished asking that I be shown my
purpose.
It started off a small whisper inside..
that decided it needed an outlet..
something tangible that would not hold
on to the lies and the trials and the
heartaches.. and the regret..
But I was suppose to remember how I
was given.. a chance to start my healing
so my dedication..
would simply include.. The numerous
emotions that found their way inside my
soul and my heart and then I realized
they were meant to come out.. and just
maybe I can touch another soul.. so
profoundly that their voice could carry
and become.. like an echo.. carried on
the silent wings of a breeze so strong..
the echo.. would go on and on.. A
voice that could be heard.. clear across
the vastness of the universe.. above the
ocean shores, thru the valleys and
across the highest mountains peaks..

And with clarity and purpose.. I realized
I Just Needed 2 Speak. .
Thank you for listening. 

Sunday, June 5, 2011

A Taste of Poetry - Connecting Positively

I'm going to approach you
With this hypothesis scientifically...
How come in just one thought my hearts beats
Infinitely and I have multi-faceted thoughts
About you... does this mean... I think
In epiphanies... because it’s all I
Ever do. .

May I be allowed to use
Some medical terminology...?
And base it upon physiology cause I
Need you to know how my mind is
Working. . overtime... How my mind I can’t always find..
How your breath is breathing inside of Me...
It is terminally killing me...
Softly...

I'm just going to try
Indefinitely... and keep these thoughts
Within boundaries of sanity...
That seems to be connected just to you...

See it must be synaptic,
I got nerves
that depend on if you are sending
the same signals too

And It does not take a doctor...
Or a scientist to figure out
That this connection I
Can’t resist...

I hope and pray
That your brain will
Wrap around this example that
I’m about to convey...

I know you don’t need
To look this up... just trust...
That my emotions
Are driven by a chemical,
Reaction; it is the source
Of my climaxing...over-reacting
Truly this plays a partial
Fraction of how I need to
Transmit my love into energy...
Will you allow this connectivity?
To bond eternally. .

It’s based largely upon
Your neurons projecting
Independently... Sending me
Messages that requires me to
Focus...

I haven’t been this turned on
Since I got a B in kinesiology...
By the way don’t get intimidated
It just means . .I wanted to study
How your body moves...

More importantly... how your
Mind connects to thoughts
That involve me...
Didn’t you know...?
That from the moment
The stars were born...
And the was sun formed...
I was suppose to be
Tied to you...

don’t be alarmed...
don’t call the police..
don’t ask EMS.. to rescue me..
It’s not that you shouldn’t take
This seriously.. 
all that matters is..
don’t forget to think..
thoughts..of me..
when I  am connecting inside you.

I am still getting motivation
Deriving anticipation...from
Touching you. . Its boils down
To what’s really perpetuating
These cells . . .

because this mind that
Has billions of neurons within
Sending millions more to begin...
A journey where you are my end...
Seems like it’s a waste...
If I can’t investigate
Just how you connect
To my heart...
make it beat
Out of time...
in haste...
How touching you
makes it race...

Why do I have to be reminded
I just need you to embrace
This epiphany..
Get straight behind it..

Take a stand.
Because it takes less time to
Send  signals to the brain...
I am your woman.. you
Are my man..
Transmit and I will receive
If you inhale I will exhale..
Together lets breath...
Don’t you know..
All I really do...
Is think of ways to stay connected
To you...

*Desire4Fire* 2011

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Writing for a sense of Self. . .

I believe that everyone has a sense of self. Call it ego, personality, or just an opinion.

Writers possess this more so, or people who have a creative ability to spin a tale; a talent for creating multiple character personalities that thread a believable storyline but is actually fiction.

It is still a tough assignment. Sometimes even egos become bruised, especially when you write and place it into the public eye as the writer gains readers of their finished work.

But that is what makes writing so damn special because someone will take the time and invest their precious time to read what you have to say.

There is glorious excitement – Ego ‘takes hold’ in realizing that you can communicate in this manner.

I have always written. It is one of my greatest accomplishments to come out of hiding. I’ve done poetry mostly, but the short stories that I penned and then tossed aside because I just did not believe they were ready to be read by anyone.

I no longer believe this assessment. It was just I didn’t have what I have inside of me now. It’s an undeniable sense of self. It’s knowing that I want to write and share my words.

The utmost desire is to put a story together and place it out into the world of ‘readers’ to pick apart if they so choose.

Or what is my goal if not to write?

The joy comes from allowing readers to take the journey with me. If I have to take your hand and guide you to the story and into the story, ‘I don’t mind,’ that is when I become successful.

Whether you read romance, sci-fi, fantasy, thrillers, or How to Manuals.

A good writer should be able to evoke your imagination. Even if you have been told you don’t really have one.

But a great writer doesn’t have to do much but hand you the book and ask you to read the first few pages at least.

Because even the best of writers need an audience willing to take that *first look*

After that, words should speak for themselves; somehow involving that reader into your own created world is what makes me get up at 6 am and write.

It allows me to get past the point of all my worries within a day and step into my creative side, the gift God gave me. I let the words flow.

This allows my ‘ego,’ that says, I can do this even if doubt hangs around and shuts down my creativity.

So I feel bad if I don’t write something within a twenty-four-hour period. Is that insane?

I don’t have the huge accolades that follow some of my favorite Fantasy writers like Terry Brooks and David Eddings, or Mercedes Lackey. I realize that I am doing my own thing. I am creating a world that I want others to read about and become excited that there’s more to follow.

This is what keeps me motivated. It is what makes every other time that I fail in finding (A huge ‘reading’ audience worth it.

Not giving up is crucial for the ‘write’ in me because it’s not a cakewalk. In actuality, it’s hard work.

I am putting in the time, and I do not even know if the rainbow will lead towards the 'Pot of Gold' that should be at its end. 

'By the way.  Has anyone ever found where the rainbow ends? if I do, I'll be sure to write about it. Thus, another story for my writer's 'ego' or journey. Stay tuned!. 



Desire4fire.